walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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