somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All the doctor said was why
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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