I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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