my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
