I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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