In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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