last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
