Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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