I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
