Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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