I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
