Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize