the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
