her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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