Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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