operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
