1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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