Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
