i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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