I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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