It's Friday. Sex?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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