why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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