I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
