you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
