U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
