2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
