I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
