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dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
