Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
