i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
