I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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