so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
