I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
