My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
