my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
