things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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