You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i drank out of a bidet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
