My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
