We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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