This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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