What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
