remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Couch. On fire.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
