nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
