Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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