I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
