You work out of a Hotel?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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