I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
