Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
