it hurts more in the daytime
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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