I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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