omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
