He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
