Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we made out on top of his cat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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