i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
