Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
