Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
