apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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