She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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