i barfeds in our rink
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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