she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
