well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize