I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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