Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
