If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
