we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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