3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
