If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
