She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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