He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
