I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
