wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize