im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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